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i’ve been avoiding thinking about it for weeks. but it’s done it’s happened she’s gone now. moved interstate and far away and i didn’t cry this morning but it was a very near thing.

and i know that the internet is a thing and texting and all of that but it hurts. it hurts that i can’t just go over and sprawl on her bed and talk about books or watch youtube or just be.

And I know that there’s other people still around but there’s not that many anymore and my two most precious people are gone a nd far away and the loneliness is crushing.

and my sister doesn’t understand when i try to tell her because ‘you have other friends’ and ‘why don’t you just go out with them more?’ and she just doesn’t get it.

and i want to shake her and make her understand that it’s not the same and that some friendships are interchangeable but these ones are not. i can’t just sub someone else in and pretend that fixes it. because i have no on left here with that same sort of depth and history and ‘it’s ok we don’t need to do anything when we hang out we can just be.’

because all of those others need words and sometimes i just want quiet but now the silence is too loud.

i’m lonely