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 Everything is fine. Everything is not fine. Everything is not fine but things are better than they were. My coping mechanisms are bollocks and some day it will fall down around my ears.

I am over Thursday/Friday's sudden onset grief spiral at least. The anniversary crept up on me.

On Sunday my mother and grandmother declared that I will never find a man with my current attitude. Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence guys. I'd be happy to find anyone, but I'm not going to change myself for them. Or pretend that I don't have opinions. This is non negotiable (and, according to my grandmother, asking too much). I have other things on my mind right now anyway. Like trying to find a job.

I've got a day of paid teacher's aide work on this week which is good. Next week sometime I should hear about my interview. Low key freaking out about that.

Slightly higher key apprehension about next Monday. I have an entire day of psychometric testing for the James Bond government job. The prospect of spending an entire day being analysed is freaking me out a little.

I hate the idea of people writing things down and talking about me behind my back. Hate it. I know it's completely irrational and literally their job, but still. It puts me on edge something fierce. The other day when I found out about it I was up until 1 am, freaking out at Mori over text. (She also talked me down on Thursday night. What did I ever do to deserve such magnificent friends?).

At least I have the better part of a week to steel myself. I really want this job.

In the meantime I'm just going to continue sketching and pretending that everything is fine.